Friday 15 March 2019

Shoes and Glitter - after Kay

Hello everyone.

A good friend of mine, who has been helping me come to terms with Kinga's passing, sent me this quote a little while ago, written by the late Terry Pratchett.

“No one is finally dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away, until the clock wound up winds down, until the wine she made has finished its ferment, until the crop they planted is harvested. The span of someone’s life is only the core of their actual existence.”

It is a quote that has stuck with me. Kinga didn't get the opportunity to fully realise her dreams - hell, what 26 year old does? The further along this path of grief I get, the more I come to realise that so much of Kinga lives on only through me and her family. I have come to see myself as a caretaker of her legacy - one who has a responsibility to keep her 'ripples' moving through this world. 

Whilst tending to Kinga's roadside memorial, last Tuesday (the 3rd month anniversary of her passing), a man on a motorbike stopped and spoke to me. He said he regularly drives past the memorial, and said that her death had really affected him - despite him not even knowing her name. He told me that strangers - not just him - were thinking of her. This was a really powerful interaction, that further influenced this decision.

I want - no, need - the universe to know her name. My life is now dedicated to this singular purpose. I am not sure precisely how I will achieve this - but I will keep talking and writing about her until the world loves her as much as I do - or until people are sick to death of hearing about her. Whichever comes first.

Kinga's roadside memorial, as it currently stands. The lantern lights up when it gets dark - it says ' Kinga ♡'

When Kinga passed, I never imagined posting on this blog past the original memorial post - I just thought I would let it pass on into history. I knew I would continue paying for it; but I have come to realise that to truly honour her, I need to let this site live. This blog was a huge part of her life - it is here that she shared her interests, passions, hopes and vulnerabilities. To let it go is to let her go, to a degree. I am not willing to do that.

This blog will always be Kinga's blog, but I want to keep posting here, every so often. The aim behind this decision is to keep her memory alive. I may also talk about my own experience with grief - as I believe it is something that people are not willing to have discussions about, and thus utterly unprepared for. I won't be talking about makeup - anyone who remembers the 'Boyfriend Makeup Knowledge Tag' will remember how much of a travesty that would be! Kinga was moving toward a more lifestyle based approach to blogging anyway - I doubt she would disapprove. 

Plus, selfishly, writing about her gives me a degree of therapy, and helps to fill this crushing, endless silent void. But I digress.

Chilling on top of a volcano.. Yep

I doubt all that many of you will continue reading into this new 'epilogue' era of Shoes and Glitter - but I thank you either way. If this is the end of your road with this blog then I understand entirely. All I can ask is that you appreciate your loved ones - without taking them for granted, and never, ever forget about Kay.

Thank you all, once again.

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