Monday 10 June 2019

Kinga + Sakima - Our Origin Story.

Hello everyone.

In just a couple of days, it will be six months since Kay was killed. In that time, I have written several posts - some in tribute, some just musings. But all are a little negative - naturally. Whilst this does absolutely reflect my own feelings at this time,  it doesn't match the majority of what Kinga did in her little corner of the internet. I am intimately familiar with this blog - I have proof read every single post since the original post - since the perfume blog she started before this in fact! But I wanted to write something a little more positive for a change; a little more in keeping with the general tone of her content. In truth, she could have written this post - and I almost wish she would have.

To that end, I am going to tell a story. It's quite a traditional one, really. A love story. Boy meets girl. It's not a story I have fully told before - we were both genuinely embarrassed about it! Kinga did want to write about us before a little more - but I wanted to stay in the shadows; not taint her beauty with my... Presence - keep some of our personal life private. So I don't think she would disapprove of me telling this story. It would have been our 10 year anniversary on the 29th of May - so it seems fitting to celebrate us, in a sense. Even if it is completely bittersweet to do so. So, here is how it all happened...

Yeah we're totally not cool kids, right?!

Kinga and I met online. There. I said it. It's been the most open secret ever that we totally denied for years to anyone who asked! We started talking in 2009 - and dating someone from online was still a little taboo back then. We actually met on a website called... Okay, full disclaimer, these were peak emo times... 'Vampirefreaks'. Yep. We did that. She was 'Mochamuffin' (always damn cute), and I was, tragically 'The Ninth Storm' (what was I thinking again?). She commented on my profile, just after I had signed up (for the second time, having initially quit the site the year before... There is an interesting story behind that actually, which I shan't say here), and said 'cute cute cute... *fangirl sigh*'. I'd been called a lot of things - but cute was certainly not one of them (although everyone got a level of attention on that site for some reason). She would later say she was drawn to my profile as my picture was of me holding my (at that time) one year old sister - a lot of people thought I was her dad back then! But yeah, we got talking, and started talking on MSN (yes - we existed in the era where MSN was the most important thing in existence!).

We hit it off pretty quickly, and soon began talking every day - and on the phone. Actually, on our first call, Kinga wanted to write a script for it, because she was so nervous! In fairness, she had only been speaking English for a year at the time - not that you could tell at all - she was already fluent when we met. I've never been much of a talker - but we would talk for long hours - all day, about everything. We were just on the same wavelength to such a crazy degree - I've never met anyone that that has been true for. We arranged to meet properly (felt like we already had at that point), and we set the date to the 29th May 2009 - during a half term (we were both in college at the time). I saved up all the money I had left over from EMA during college to buy a ticket - and was so broke afterward I couldn't even afford to buy flowers! But still, I traveled 5 1/2 hours each way (casually lying to my mother about what I was doing, I might add!) in one day to spend about 8 hours with her.

Kinga, about two years into our relationship - and a bit sick of me taking pictures! How did I get so lucky again?

I wasn't in a good place mentally or physically at that time - I didn't look after myself much then. But the night before I must have spent hours in the mirror trying to look presentable - something I had never done before  - or since, really. I remember getting the bus to the train station at the crack of dawn that day, and there was a man who I sometimes spoke to on the bus (I used to get it daily for college). I told him I had a date - and I specifically recall him saying 'who knows, this could be the beginning of the rest of your life'. I didn't see him after that - or I could have told him just how right he was.

And then, after a long train ride, we met. And it wasn't awkward, miraculously. Not at all. It was like we'd known each other for years. She gave me a bear early on (yes, the girl gave the boy a bear!) and told me that it was called 'Little Kinga' - and that I had to look after her... And to this day, I still do (literally one of my most cherished possessions). We didn't have any money between us, but she had already planned on where we would go. She was always so organised; even then!

This was where the bench was originally - where everything truly began.

We got some drinks at the local Tesco - she introduced me to this polish drink that was an apple and mint flavoured thing... I didn't have the heart to tell her that I utterly despise apple AND mint - and I didn't want to appear fussy - so I drank it (and may have casually tipped some away). We would later laugh about that many, many times. We wound up walking along the beach a little way, before stopping at a bench.

It was a grubby little sheltered bench, coated in graffiti - the kind that are common at seafronts (it was removed a few years later). We talked some more, and then it just kind of happened. She came over and kissed me. My first kiss, actually. It lasted for a long time, and legitimately gave me neck ache, but it happened. And that was when I knew that everything would change. I think that might have been the first time I had ever experienced pure, unfiltered happiness. And it didn't stop there.

A few random pictures she took on the hill that day. Never shared these before!

Afterward we carried on up the beach - just laughing, smiling, joking. We tackled each other on the sand. Just happy and young. I recall an old woman giving us a really big smile as we passed her. We carried on to our destination - a relatively secluded hill, next to a very old church. We spent hours up there. That place became synonymous with our relationship; we would make regular pilgrimages back  there. We spent hours there, just being happy. The sun was gorgeous that day, whilst we lay on the grass. Just talking. And making out, of course. It was a perfect day. We had many since - but few days compare to how pure that one was. I eventually had to go, of course - and there were tears that it had to happen. But we both knew it was a beginning, not an end.

At the end of our first date. That sod on the right is sitting on Cloud Nine!

We continued to be long distance for about two years - visiting each other every other weekend, and on holidays. When Kinga started university (Kinga started university the year after myself - she did an extra year at college), we moved in together. I remember, especially in the early days people would not believe that I was with her - because she was so beautiful and I was always just... not... that. She attracted a lot of male attention - but despite that, she chose me, of all people! For some unknown reason, I was the one who got the girl. We were always for each other, so I was never threatened by it all - it was just something I could rub into the faces of all the assholes who had ever 'bullied' me before then (I was always thick-skinned, but it was satisfying as hell in so many ways). It was hard, being long distance, but we always had an end date planned to it - and that got us through those times. It wasn't always perfect, our relationship - we certainly had our issues, and we both regretted becoming so serious so early on - love can make you irrational. But once we moved in together, we stayed living together up until her death.

So it was our 10 year anniversary on the 29th of May - the anniversary of that perfect day. We were due to be in Cyprus - but I could neither afford nor face doing that alone. But I had to mark the day - it was too important. It was a day Kinga was excited for - had planned, and we had talked about for quite a while now. A huge landmark. Marking it alone... Was just so wrong, on so many levels. To mark it, I retraced the steps of our first date, as well as spending some time with her (she is now resting at the crematorium), and tidying her roadside memorial. It rained that day. Fitting really - considering how glorious the weather was on that day 10 years ago.

I released this on the Hill, where we were on our first date... 
... And off it went. Hopefully to find her.

We had always celebrated our anniversaries. If we were at a beach for it, it became a tradition to write it in the sand. I didn't get to put the big '10' in Cyprus - but I still wrote it, near to where it all began. It stopped raining whilst I did it - and it started again right after I was done. Funny, that.

Some of the previous years. 5 Years was in Newquay, 8 years was in Portugal, and 9 years was in Weston, just before we went to Tenerife.

I think it is easy to fall into a trap when someone dies unexpectedly - to remember them for the circumstances of their death - not their life. Everybody knows the famous serial killers, for example, but few know the names of their victims. Whilst Kinga's case is not quite as dramatic as that, there is still court down the line - and within that I suspect that the focus will inevitably be on the manner of her death, and the character of the accused. It isn't right - in my mind - that this is the case. I think it is important to focus on the innocent party - the person they were, and the impact they made whilst they walked the planet. I think, as a society, it is something we need to draw more importance to.

Thank you all for reading. All of your messages - both public and private - mean the world to me. Keeping the ripples of her life going keeps me going, ultimately. She was truly the best partner in life (and in crime) I could have ever asked for. I know she was special to some of the people reading this too - whether they met her or not. I simply hope that she is at peace now, wherever she may or may not be... And I would like to thank you all again for supporting her with her with this blog - and with her passions.

One more picture before I finish... I just love this one.

I hope they have good music where you are now...

'Til the end of time, cub.

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