Sunday 18 March 2018

What's Really Going On... An Honest Life Update

Hello, my lovelies. Today's post is a little life update, as I haven't been very active in the blogging world lately, and I just wanted to update you all as to why that is. This whole thing is going to be quite difficult to talk about, so please bare with me - I am feeling quite emotional and anxious as I am typing this. Normal posts will resume next week, so if you want to skip this very personal post, please stay tuned as I will be sharing more regular beauty content in the next few days. Now, onto the life update...

If you follow me on Twitter, you might have noticed my recent tweets about being poorly and fearing the worst, with regards to my health. The truth is, the past few weeks have been incredibly stressful for me, which is why I have been so absent from the blogosphere and social media. It's hard to talk about this without going into too much detail, but all of my symptoms are pointing to the worst case scenario. I don't want to say the actual word though, and what it is - I don't want to put it out there. I feel that if I do, it will only make this more real for me, but I think you might know what I'm getting at.

It feels like my life's been on hold, whilst I am getting passed around from one clinic to another, from one doctor to another, from one scan to another. The doctors have been eliminating all other possible causes first, but it's been taking a ridiculously long time. It doesn't help that unfortunately, the hospital in my city (and also the only one I can actually access) is rated the worst in the country for both waiting times, and patient care - and going through the process myself now, I can definitely see why that is. My life's been on hold as I am trying to figure out whether my symptoms are actually life-threatening, or not, but things are not looking good. I try not to think about it, but it's been difficult. I often catch myself drifting away a little, in my head, my own fears and concerns. It's been difficult enough to get on with everyday life, let alone blogging. I am already a very anxious person by nature, and it doesn't take much for me to worry about things - and when the fear is real and justified, I feel that I experience it and let it get to me that much more.

Last week gave me some hope for answers, but unfortunately it turns out that I am due to attend another appointment/scan first. I think it's still going to be a while before I get any sort of concrete diagnosis, however, in my heart, I truly do fear the worst. Having said that, I am tired of putting my life on hold because of all this. It's been exhausting - constantly worrying and waiting for answers that I now know won't come for a little while yet. I have so many posts scheduled up that I have been holding off, and I just want to get on in my life, no matter what happens next.

I also wanted to thank everyone who's reached out to support and check up on me throughout this whole process. It truly means the world. Whilst my family and my partner have been very supportive, I still do get a little lonely and sad at times, and just reading your kind messages really helps me out a lot. And since I've already put this out there, I will keep you guys updated on the whole thing. That being said, I want to resume my usual beauty posts, just because I am done putting my life on hold, and have genuinely missed blogging. Again, thank you for your support, and sorry if this post has been a little miserable. I am looking forward to getting back into blogging, and still have hope that everything will be okay in the end.

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